


Desperate

by SSSRHA



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Introspection, One Shot, Short One Shot, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 01:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17274311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSSRHA/pseuds/SSSRHA
Summary: Kakashi trained Sasuke, and only Sasuke, during the Chuunin Exams. It wasn't favoritism, it was desperation.[One-shot]





	Desperate

**When Kakashi**  first met Team Seven, he didn't know what to think. The prank they played was so innocent and childish.  _They_  were so innocent and childish. Of course, it was Naruto who played the prank, not anyone else. Oh boy, and wasn't  _Naruto_  just a can of worms. Naruto who smiled so brightly. Naruto who's moral system and goals were so simplistic. Naruto who was an idiot and didn't care. Naruto who wanted to be the Hokage. Naruto who Kakashi couldn't help but resent. Not because of the Nine-Tails, or even because of his physical similarities to his sensei, but because of how Naruto acted. Whenever Kakashi saw Naruto, he had to resist the urge to clutch his left eye. He looked at Naruto and wondered what had happened. Naruto was so painfully familiar in a way that Kakashi hated.

Every time Kakashi looked at him, the first thought Kakashi forced through his head was  _It's not Obito._ Because Obito was dead, and Naruto wasn't. Because Obito gave him the Sharingan, not Naruto. Kakashi had made Obito a promise. Naruto vowed to never go back on his words. Kakashi broke his promise the moment his Chidori went through Rin's heart.

_Rin._ Whenever Kakashi looked at Sakura, he saw Rin. And then his Sharingan would unconsciously go into its Mangekyo and he'd have to turn it back.

And Sasuke. Sasuke who was so much like  _him._  Kakashi, when his team wasn't looking, would stare at Sasuke with an odd mix of awe and horror. Sasuke was like a mirror that Kakashi had to stare into. In this analogy, Kakashi was the man who was ashamed of what he looked like. The one who wanted to be different. Kakashi dearly wanted to smash the mirror into a million little pieces. Then Kakashi would realize that no, Sasuke was not a mirror. At least not a perfect one. Sasuke was a distorted image of Kakashi, the one you would see at those odd mirrors in a fun house. Fundamentally the same, but twisted beyond recognition.

Sasuke and Kakashi were both betrayed by their idol. When Kakashi was very young, his father was like a god to him. Infallible and perfect. And then he  _died_. No, not just died, he  _killed himself._ Suddenly he wasn't so perfect after all. Sakumo had shown compassion, yet that was what lead to his downfall. Kakashi was obviously hesitant when he had to save Rin.

Itachi was  _Sasuke's_  god. No, Itachi was Sasuke's  _everything._  And then Itachi betrayed him. Not just by killing everyone Sasuke dearly wanted to love him, but by refusing to love Sasuke himself. Sasuke was hurt, and he didn't want to be even more hurt.

_We're the same,_  Kakashi would sometimes think.  _No,_  he'd then say to himself.  _There's a difference._ Kakashi's betrayer was dead. Kakashi could have hated his father all he wanted, but he could never do anything about it. Itachi, on the other hand, was alive. He was alive and he himself had challenged Sasuke to kill him. Kakashi never had that.

Sasuke had Kakashi's young self's arrogance.  _That,_  Kakashi mused,  _is the problem._ If Sasuke didn't think highly of himself, it wouldn't have been so bad. But Sasuke thought of himself as powerful. More powerful, even, than his peers. It obviously drove him mad when Naruto,  _stupid little Naruto,_  beat him at every turn. Sasuke looked at Naruto, who seemed to naive, so idiotic, so  _illogical,_  and yet Naruto always won.

When the last stages of the Chuunin Exam rolled around, Kakashi saw nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. He saw Sasuke as a mini-him, except much worse. Sasuke had yet to get the wake-up call that Kakashi had gotten when Obito died. Sasuke was so full of himself. Naruto was so naive. Sakura was so vulnerable.  _Just like my team was at Kanabi Bridge._ Kakashi didn't want his Genin to turn out like his team. There was only one member left alive, and that one hadn't done a single thing to deserve his life.

Kakashi didn't know how to give Sasuke his wake up call, but he knew Sasuke was going to blow. Sasuke was standing at the crossroads of two paths, and he couldn't figure out which one to choose. Should he choose to gain power through his hatred...or should he gain power through his bonds? Sasuke had tentatively taken a few steps towards his teammates. And yet he failed. Again and again and again, he didn't get the validation he needed. He wasn't getting the reassurance that he had chosen right. That he really  _would_  get stronger with his teammates.

That those who abandoned their comrades were worse than trash.

All Sasuke was getting was failure.

Sasuke needed to win, at least once, to reassure himself that this was the right decision. Sasuke  _needed_  to win against Gaara. And the only way to do that was with the Chidori. So Kakashi whisked him away to train him. Naruto was firmly set and he could take this one instance of neglection. So Kakashi trained Sasuke during the Chuunin Exams. It wasn't favoritism, it was desperation.

For a while, Kakashi thought it would work. Sasuke would solidify his belief and Naruto and Sakura -  _Obito and Rin_  - wouldn't be dead. But Sasuke didn't beat him. Gaara went on a rampage. Gaara was an insane Jinchuuriki. It stood to reason that he could only be defeated by another Jinchuuriki. So Naruto defeated Gaara.  _Right in front of Sasuke._ And Sasuke took another step backward.

Kakashi saw them on the roof of the hospital. Naruto going up with his Rasengan, Sasuke going down with his Chidori. And Sakura -  _Rin_  - trying to stop them. For one horrible second, Kakashi saw Sakura -  _Rin_  - with a Chidori through her chest. And he stopped them. In one last, desperate attempt, he told Sasuke his backstory. Maybe it would have worked. But it didn't.

In the end, Naruto and Sakura -  _Obito and Rin_ \- survived, but this time it was Sasuke -  _me_  - who fell. 

_Me being desperate didn't change a thing._

**The End**


End file.
